Index

 

MAGICIAN RETIRES (SHOCK)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The greatest ever self proclaimed illusionist David Copperfield has announced his retirement. The man who has made everything from a jumbo jet to the Egyptian Pyramids disapear before live TV audiences (OH YEEAH? ED!) says he cant compete with the real life magic of the MEN Arena.
'I may have made the world gasp with my illusions' ... he told Thunderflash ... 'but the MEN has somehow made up to 13000 people disapear ... I dont know how they do it!'

Fortunately, Thunderflash has been behind the scenes and can reveal all. Here's the Thunderflash guide to the lack of crowds.

Play Sheffield Steelers five times in six weeks.

Play on midweek evenings when mum and dad insist that junior does his homework and that getting in at 22.00 midweek is NOT ON. Mum and Dad themselves say they cant possibly get home from work and arrange a babysitter

Change the rules so that all that people sitting in the centre blocks see are skaters and pucks whizzing past .... its a bit like watching the tennis at Wimbledon

Play with such a lack of passion even Blocks 103 & 109 start to fall asleep.

Have a coach that insists that "so long as the other team get no more than three goals in front, youre in with a chance of winning"

Put the price up despite the fact you have 13000 empty seats

Play on a Sunday at 1300 For gawds sake!

STOP doing mexican waves for the teenagers .... now look thats the best thing ever to happen ... so what if the boy scouts dont come!!!!