Frankie Howard (NO!) has nothing on Thunderflash.

We present the match report of FINBAR SAUNDERS (and his double entendres)

Originally posted to the UK hockey mailing list ... and reused with permission

The crowd was a big one, on hand for a big collision. Morin, Wilson and Beaulieu failed to dress and therefore both sides were missing bodies. Craiper, Staniforth and Toeman were in control. Sheffield followers hoped the protective equipment was working, but Van Der Horsts had a big bend in it.

Storm came out on fire and ready for action. Tomlinson went down early after being felt by Kovacs who went shortly after for holding Woodcrofts stick. With Storm pressing hard, Jago saw an opening between Grecos legs and went for it. Wiklander lined up a big one but failed to score. Brebant was quick and softly feathered one to Jablonski who used his big reach to backhand it in.

Hrivnak was definitely on tonight. Steelers perked up, but Hoffman took his chance and Storm were in command. Up went Craipers hand for Storm to get a "man in the box". Courtenay then put on the red light and Sheffield had a sniff.

During the break Sheffield got pumped and played hard. Despite a score from Long Staff, the next bang was from Rubachuk at the end of the second, uh, "that time of the game". Did Ruby come early? Or as Sheffield argued, late? A sticky situation for the Ref. Hand and Priestlay moaned and groaned, Shudra used his mouth a lot but Craiper stood firm.

Hrivnak was punished by Kovacs who prodded it in. But Storm thrust forward and Maltias used his trusty weapon to rip one past Greco who "failed to get his hands to it".

Ware sat on (a) Woody and Craiper signaled interference. Or Holding. Brebant used his hands smartly to score a peach. Miller lashed one home, hard. Greco got hot and bothered with Brebant. Kovacs took over and got blows on Dicky. Shudra used his rocket to terminate the game.

The hooter went off.

The fans left satisfied.

Storm stood proud.

Craiper sucked.

And not one joke about a Hand job ....