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LETTER FROM SHEFFIELD
A team owners weekly update!
(part 2)

Dear Ice Hockey fans of Yorkshire

Well, things are moving fast here in hockey land. We now have a name for the team, which I'm told refers to the area's history in metalworking, and nothing to do with any accounts presented to the ISL last year. I'm told that the winner, a young Mr Nigel Barnthwaite, enjoyed his night out at Mrs Eckersall's Pie and Peas shop, although he's decided he doesn't really like pickled eggs.

On other matters, I didn't realise what a floodgate of charity I would be opening when I asked for offers to house our overseas players during the coming season, although we must decline some of those from our younger female fans. Seriously girls - sharing a bedroom is a little too cramped for a hardworking player, even if the offers of massages and help in the shower were made so generously. We also had to decline any such offers which came with an hourly rate - a little beyond the coffers of the Forgers at the moment.

So, accommodation is still an issue, although I am seriously considering having our overseas players ask for asylum in this country so that the government can house them. I feel certain that the fact that they will be able to support themselves will help to sway the decision. Of course it means that I will not be able to seek players from the North American continent, but we are looking at such places as Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan and other former Soviet Socialist Republics with a less-than-perfect record on human rights. Recruitment of the squad continues!

To this end Mr Idleballs has already appointed a player / assistant - a Mr Brant Bicker, with whom he has worked in the past. I'm told that Brant is a popular figure in British ice hockey - the reports of the vocal reception that greets him in Manchester have already reached me. The pair are now working hard on recruiting a squad, and we have been told that we can run a reduced bench, but fans, for the meantime don't forget your kit on match nights just in case we need to stretch the bench a little. The good new is that we now have a bench to sit on, courtesy of the Gas Lane Garden Centre, so a big "Thank you" to them. Thank you also to Ron's DIY, who supplied the sandpaper.

Well, no-one told me when I bought an ice hockey club that the kit would be so expensive! The cost of the protective gear for one ice hockey player would keep a football team in shin pads and gum shields for a whole season! When I was planning to buy a hockey team I expected a similar outlay to that of the equipment for the Grit Road Convent School hockey team, but apparently this ice hockey is something totally different.

Due to the continuity of the team's name we at least managed to pick up a load of replica shirts from last season at a bargain price, so our team do now have a uniform. If anyone is interested in 4,000 yellow vests at cost could they please contact the Forgers' office. This offer might be of particular interest to any construction companies contracted to build a new motorway, or firms who provide the security men for major outdoor pop concerts.

To sum up, the team building is making great progress at the moment. There is just one small cloud on the horizon - season ticket sales are, to date, quite disappointing. In fact I have seen some very worrying letters in the South Yorkshire newspapers saying that former Forgers' fans will not be buying season tickets. Personally I'm really looking forward to the start of the new season, although maybe my enthusiasm is boosted by the fact that I've never actually seen an ice hockey match. I hope the fans out there aren't getting bored with the sport.

Thank you to all our sponsors; Mrs Eckersall's Pie and Peas Shop, the Grit Road Convent School, Kwik Cabs of Rotherham, my nephew Kevin, the Gas Lane Garden Centre and Ron's DIY. I look forward to seeing you all at the first kick-off.

 

A Big Al fantasy for Thunderflash