ALL SPEAK SIMMGLISH
visitors to the Sheffield Steelers' arena have been slightly puzzled
by the game announcer, Dave Simms, and his often colourful (and usually
incoherent) use of the English language. Well, in preparation for the
next visit to the Big Tin Shed Thunderflash sent a linguistic expert
to the first game of the season to try and make sense of what Dave Simms
actually says. So, if you're not sure whether PA means Public Address
or Pain in the Ar-
Simms - "Welcome mumble blurge flim flam home of the Sheffield
Steelers bumble diddle dee Grand Slam flibble what salary cap umble
WE WON ANYWAY"
Simms - "Murf wurf slurge Sheffield family buggle narf nurf boiled
sweets urfle bloo bike sheds."
Simms - "Obble wobble Manchester Storm binkly bonkly boo Lancashire
scum da-doo ron ron Wars of the Roses."
Simms - "Urgh ooof glurg Mike Blaisdell furble glook waa waa waa
bench clearance bubble bubble glaah take them to the cleaners."
Simms - "Oggle uggle murf the ref must be blind flib flub dibble
home box sponsored by the Sheffield Steeler's supporters club".
Simms - "Flobadob blib blob bleep bog off Manchester scum oggy
oggy oggy WHAT? ONLY TWO MINUTES? oi oi oi, HANGING'S TOO GOOD FOR HIM."
Simms - "Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhh!!! blurk gurgle
Simms - "Guggle bloink Manchester Storm wee woo aargle this can't
be happening blurt iggle oink where's Andy Carson when you need him?"
Simms - "Aargle bargle Sheffield slurp uurgh gargle walks on water
howl howl bibble we're not worthy."
Simms - "Flumf mumfle iggle Manchester obble wobble no point really
glurk snort snort didn't deserve it."
Simms - "Wibble wobble woo bog off narf narf back over the Pennines
where you came from oggle boggle blart come and have a go if you think
you're hard enough."
(Editor's note - our translator has attended other matches in the Big Tin Shed and found that Mr Simms gives a similar reception to other teams. When asked for a comment on Mr Simms' use of language he said "The man's a goldmine. I'm thinking of basing my PhD on him. Trouble is, I don't know if my tutor would believe it.")
Page created September 2002